oh, and

my roommate is talking in her sleep again.

i'm lame, yes

but i laughed at this to myself for nearly five minutes.

(probabalymorelikeonebutyouknowwhatimean)





















yes.

(we won't stop running til we get to the light)

you and i; we've got a lot to be glad for.





tonight was precious in so many ways and i want to save that moment and keep it and remember it when we are old and grey and still young and in love, but then i start to think -

but what if you leave?



what if this isn't it?



i chased the romantic's dream for so long; then it left me in a pond of tears and broken bones
i knew a movie script ending is not what i should be seeking and so i left that, too
my head told me that in fifty years all the pretty words will have no meaning
and look at me now, so practical, realistic, pragmatic, grounded

i've shunned away memories that have enticed my heart and strayed me from You, but now what am i to do? am i finally ready make new ones that i shall cherish when i lay awake at night? or is that to be reserved only for he who recieves also my whole heart?

memories are made regardless; i can't stop them from happening but i also cannot force them to come. contrived things make me nauseated. but this was not contrived. it is happening. it is now. and you are leaving in two weeks; and then come september i will be alone for four months. but i will not be alone, for He is my Rock. but still, four months. four months. four months.

four months of memories made without the other.




right when my heart starts to find its home in you.



yet You are such a good Father.

dear ABK:

that girl is my friend molly and i am in your mouth.

- megan.

comenowsleep//NO

i don't know if it's nerves, caffiene,
or a mind that's racing like a pro now,
but it is five:twenty-five am and i cannot get to sleep.


with every minute that passes by it is getting lighter outside and my heart is growing more and more anxious.


please, please pray for me.

friends,

(or whoever reads this blog - the whole two of you)

please.

pray for me.


in less than 36 hours i will be speaking to a large group of women from my church back home who are older, wiser, and more experienced than me on one of the most sensitive issues ever known to a Christian woman:

her children.


i have no idea why the Lord chose me to do this (by having the women on the leadership/retreat team at my church decide that i would be a good candidate to speak to them.) sneaky old ladies quietly wandering in to the highschool room while i give talks to the students apparently were some deciding factors. what in the world? this is so humbling. this is so crazy. this is so not something i can do on my own.

i have so much i want to say to them and yet i feel so unqualified.
i'm not married! i don't have kids! i'm only a twenty-one year old college student who may have discipled a few girls here and there and goes a school where they're training us to run a spiritual marathon, but that doesn't mean anything...
does it?

gah.





Lord, let this be You.
let my words leave, and let Your words be on my lips;
fall on their ears, and remain in their hearts.

Jesus, i have nothing to offer them.
only You. and that is enough.




please pray i would get an effective, concise outline finished (rather than just write a whole bunch of words in manuspcript form and then get really confused about order, which is what i usually tend to do). pray i would have time to practice, and not be stressed, but trust the Lord. pray that the women who need to hear whatever it is the Lord has to say though me would come, and pray for the other four women doing the other seminars, as well as our main speaker for the weekend. and above all else, pray that i and everyone else would come to love Him in a more real and deeper way though this.


thankyou.



(philippains 1:9-11 // 3:7-14)

reality is

"IAM the only thing you will ever worship, adore, cherish, desire, seek after - that will set you free instead of put you in bondange."

romans six:twenty-one.


THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASINDEPENDENCE.

stop fooling yourself, self. stop fooling yoursleves, pretentious scene kids. stop fooling everyone; you're not fooling anyone. you're not different - you're just like that guy i saw in hollywood. congradulations that you don't look like a Bible nerd; what are you trying to prove?
what is it worth in the end?

we all bow down to something. if it's not God Himself, we will make another god to serve.

( i know because i've done it. but i'm done. )

i want to serve the True One.
with everything i have.
all that i am.
forever.