i'm not who i should be right now.
but God is in the process of making me into that person
and to start, He is breaking me.

i know it for certain, now.

i haven't had the desire to read secular literature, find new artists, or talk about philospohy.

i just want to know Jesus.

that's all i'll ever have that i can hold onto, anyway.

He is the only One who is sure, Forever.

(i need to stop thinking anything else is forever. especially now.)

i have a foolish heart. but i forget that, sometimes. and i talk about the future and i think i have everything figured out. i think i am loved; wanted. i want to be needed by those whom i think i need. but the truth is, i don't need anyone. humans fail. words don't mean anything unless they come from the source of Truth. i trust way too easily in man. but blessed is he who trusts not in man, but in the Name of the Lord.

He is showing me what that means again, and i am so thankful.

though right now, all i want to do is cry and shake and scream--
He holds me, and catches my tears as i fall asleep.


part of me wants to go back to school: start the semester, the busyness, the ministries, and distract myself from hurt
and part of me wants to stay here: see where my church goes, be involved, watch it grow into the body of Christ, full of love and joy and hope


but it's not up to me; i can't plan my future.
thank You for reminding of that again.
i will live each day for You, take each step in Your cadence, and let You carry my lifeless body when i am weak and do not have enought motivation to move my limbs

You are so good to me.






in the quiet, in the stillness - i know that You are God
in the secret of Your presence, i know there i am restored
when You call, i won't refuse
each new day, again i'll choose

there is no one else for me, none but Jesus
crucified to set me free; now i live to bring Him praise

in the chaos, in confusion - i know You're sovreign, still
in the moment of my weakness, You give me grace to do Your will
so when You call, i won't dely
this my song for all my days:

there is no one else for me, none but Jesus
crucified to set me free; now i live to bring Him praise

(i'm Yours, and You are mine. i am Yours, and You are mine.
i'm Yours, and You are mine. i am Yours, Lord.)

all my delight is in You, Lord
all of my hope, all of my strength
all my delight is in You, Lord
forevermore