right now

my mind won't stop yelling at me.

i need to sell more things on ebay/half.com/amazon

i need to go through my binders and clean them out

i need to (continue to) loose weight

i need to not overdose on advil

i need to take those clothes to luna blu

i need to learn this song i'm supposed to sing in a coupleish hours

i need to take a shower and get dressed

i need to eat something

i need to do the above three things before i leave to go meet with danielle at six-thirty

i (still) need to call tess, jess, dom, and leslie before i leave in a week to go back to school

i don't want to go back to school...

i need to get over myself and my pride and my fear and my worry (and just change my facebook already)

i need to pray for more people, more often

i need to be less selfish

i need to love him better

i need to love everyone better

i need to spend time with my savior

because

the only One that's never left me has carried me so very far.

and yes i still believe in You

"however, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited to him as righteousness."

(romans 4:5)

i cannot work to be righteous.

i cannot earn my salvation.

i cannot do enough good to ensure my place in heaven or be right in God's eyes.

my good deeds, spiritual conversations, moral standards and strong convictions mean nothing

(absolutely nothing)

(worthless)

(rubbish)

(crap)

if my heart does not belong to Him,

if i have no faith in Him,

if i do not trust Him,

if i don't love Him.

i don't need to try and make this sound deeper or more profound than it is.

it's not.

it doesn't need to be.

i don't need to try and impress you.

i just want to love my Lord.

(may i love You more this year than i did in years previous and less than i will in years to come)

alright

this is going to be

a lot more difficult

than i originally

thought.

oh but Lord, i know. how can You refine me if everything is always easy/going my way?

Your purpose is so much greater and reaches to the most hideous and hidden corners of my heart. and that is what i want. clean me up, renew me again. make me like You. i want to learn to love. i want to bring You glory.

thank you for bearing with me through this.

can i just say

life feels full again.

distance your heart

let it grow cold

(or just indifferent)

then you won't hurt anymore.

the Lord is faithful

and He answers prayers...

(i don't think you understand how much those ten minutes or so just made my day.)

okay. backtoworknow.

even still

(psalms)

(9:9-10)

the Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed,

a stronghold in times of trouble.

and those who know Your name put their trust in You,

for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

(16:1-2)

preserve me, O God, for in You i take refuge.

i say to the Lord,

"You are my Lord, i have no good apart from You."

(51:17)

the sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite spirit;

a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

(56:10-13)

in God, Whose Word i praise,

in the Lord, Whose Word i praise,

in God i trust; i shall not be afraid

what can man do to me?

i must perform my vows to You, O God;

i will render thank offerings to You.

for You have delivered my soul from death,

yes, my feet from falling

that i may walk before God in the light of life.