i have decided

that when i "grow up"
and own my own house
with my own husband
with my own bedroom and walls and nights
that it must also come accompanied with
a fan: in the middle of the room
(on the ceiling)

--this is now a requirement.

so that when we turn
out the lights
and pull the darkness over our eyes
i will have the same familiar hum
i had growing up
at my grandma'shouse
her gigantuan spanish-style, terra-cotta-colored roof home in the middle of nowhere in clovis, california
which reminds me of the summer days and long nights and drives into the heat
eventually coming to find refuge in her castle-like abode

(the shaking fan directly above my feet which, to me, at eight years old could come crashing down and smother me any instant!)
which eventually became a sense of comfort for me
and
i have decided
that this will be carried with me
into my (soonerthanlater) future.