death will give us back to God just like the setting sun is returned to the lonesome ocean.

sometimes i want that sooner than later.

but -

oh, my morning's coming back, the whole world's waking up
all the city buses swimming past i'm happy just because 
i found out i am really no one 

please dry, red eyes. all is not lost. all is gone, but not lost.

my hope is in the Lord alone, in Him is my strength and my salvation.

He only is my rock, i will not be greatly shaken.

or something like that.

she's memorizing that verse(s)

i think i should too.

ALL THE FITNESS HE REQUIRETH IS TO FEEL YOUR NEED FOR HIM

and when i don't

when i am saturated by self-sufficiency

and blinded by my own mind

thinking that i know more about my life than You

then You will again show me my sin, and bring me back

(i am never satisfied in myself. i was not created for this. i am not my own.)

oh Lord i needed this.

You know i needed this.

sometimes i can't believe the words that come out of her mouth

and i want to have a heart that longs after you like she does

i need Thee every hour, and i want to live that way

i can make decisions because i have placed my life in your hands

therefore

i am no longer worried

i am no longer scared

i love being in dixon because it is the last place i want to be

and it is a magnificent feeling 

knowing i am right where You want me

i didn't mean to make that rhyme but i don't even care, anymore.

(i just want my heart to be in the place you want it, too.)

i don't really feel anything right now, either, anymore

i'm tired of up and down emotions

and trying to trust myself with the decisions in my life

i just want the Truth. 

i just want You.

and today is a good day because my God is in control.

abel

well my mind's not right my mind's not right my mind's not right my mind's not right

awake

i didn't have coffee tonight but i'm still as awake as you, my friend

my heart is restless and wild and my head is racing to keep up

i am excited to see your face tomorrow and curious as to what the day will bring

i'm apprehensive about this semester but will look ahead with confidence and joy

tonight was epic, in a looser sense of the word, but in many ways

i will be happy to share a room with you and then share our lives with others

sometimes i don't know what certain emotions mean

i don't know myself as well as i thought

scraps of newspaper and magazine clippings are all strewn across my bed

i am exhausted, but happy, and content

i just made something beautiful and i think i made someone smile.