contradiction

life is good, life is amazing, life is full

but i feel so distant from everything and everyone around me (even those i love who are not around me) save the nine girls i just had in my cabin two days ago, for six days previous to that, learning about God and love and life and how to survive as salt and light in this wicked world

but soon those memories will fade and i will keep them in the back of my head, able to recall only tiny glimpses of God's love pouring down and His truth invading those precious lives

and i dread the day when i can barely remember their names, hardly recognize their faces, and feel a sense of failure in something the Lord had given to me

but i know it is coming, because it has so many times before, and all i can do is try harder

we're fighting a lot lately and i don't know why

we're not as close as we once were and i don't know why

i feel loved, but alone

and music doesn't do what it once did; it now only recalls handfuls of memories, some i want to keep until i die and some i wish were gone forever

i recently read somewhere, "everyone is expendable."

is this truth or a mere opinion of someone who wants to avoid disappointment?

i can teach truth, sure--

oh, but Lord, help me live it out.