and though i've been mistaken on this or that point; that light is God

Thursday, April 1, 2010

well.

the last two days have been filled with too much joy to just let that sad post sit there like that.


just to list a few reasons:

- four relatively long, incredibly edifying/encouraging/Christ-focused phone conversations with people i love, getting me even more excited about coming back home to monterey.

- a few texting interactions with some people i haven't talked to in forever, again, making me so looking forward to reconnecting with them and hearing about what God's been doing with their lives.

- even hearing about sad news in the church (as a whole, not shoreline specifically or anything), was still encouraging, as i heard how godly men and women (including some of my very closest friends) handled these things in a biblical and loving manner.

- for some reason, being more passionate and hungry for the Word of God than i have been in so long. i cannot stop talking about it, writing about it, thinking about it, asking about it. something inside of me has changed, and i never want to go back.

- on top of all of this random great fellowship already, many of these aforementioned individuals i've alluded to, i will be privileged enough to do ministry with in the near future (mid-may). i cannot wait for this. of course by that, i mean, i can wait - it just makes me that much more eager to graduate. yet, in the midst of my ready-to-be-home-NOW-ness, the Lord has healed and blossomed some old and many new friendships with girls here at masters. i haven't had this much fun hanging out with the girls on my wing since the very first month or so of school (september). they are SO freaking rad. i love them. and while i'm tempted to get discouraged about my lack of pursuit of them earlier this semester, as someone told me a few weeks ago, i need to not worry about that now. worrying does nothing for the Lord. instead, i need to take what God has obviously given me, and be faithful with that. i need to run hard for Christ NOW, not say "oh, i'll do that when i get home and don't have all these papers to write" - because life will always be busy. and therefore, part of my faithfulness to the Lord now, with my last five weeks of school ahead of me, is pouring into the girls around me for as long as i'll get to have them living next door, across the way, and down the hall. God put them around me for a reason, and i want to find out what that is, even in this short time i have left.

gah. i'm so thankful i could explode. i don't understand this, though -- but with the Lord, i guess it makes perfect since. i haven't been able to go a day without crying - that is, seriously bawling my eyes out - since thursday, the 18th. i now sit here, april 1st (at 1am, that is), and the last two days, i haven't cried at all. not once. not even tears. just joy. just this amazing peace, assurance, confidence, and hope from Christ. He is all i need. and right now, He is all i want. honest. i couldn't say that two days ago. i wanted to want Him alone, but i wanted other things, too. so badly. and of course i struggle with that daily, but He has been so faithful. i didn't expect Him to show me His love so abundantly like this so fast. i was hurting so much. but now, my heart is full, and i am in love with my God. and i am in awe at how, in the words of my roommate, "the ways He provides little graces...the way He loves [me] better than anyone else ever could."



friends, get to know your Lord. the world tastes so stale and bitter and lifeless compared to His pure, perfect, completely satisfying love. and every time i doubt that, He reminds me again, when i ask Him. and even sometimes when i don't. but i beg you: ask Him.


"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in HIm!
Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints,
for those who fear HIm have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."

psalm 34:8-10



(the first passage i have now underlined in my newly re-upholstered esv bible.)




goodnight, all.



1 comment:

Brenna Kate. said...

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you.