a friend told me not to look too deeply or introspectively at my sin.

because sometimes we get there, and that is all we can see - 

so we stay there, focusing on guilt and self-loathing, 

consequently,

sitting right in the center of satan's plan for us

(always, to focus on self, rather than the Savior)

i feel like my heart is empty but i have longings and dreams i've never known before

yet i don't know what's selfishness, and what's personal preference.

one thing i do know for certain, though:

the Lord God is a jealous Lover

He will not share my affections with any person or thing

He wants my desires for Him, and 

right now, i cannot say that is the case.

so at this point in time, i know what i am to pursue

(and nothing else) --

intimacy with my Redeemer, 

affection with my Father, 

obedience to my Master,

devotion to my Savior.

Jesus Christ, You dry the tears, 
You break my heart of stone 
Your words are life - 

cut marrow through the darkness, to the bone 
a heart of flesh You gave me 
only You can save me.